airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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