I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
