Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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