I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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