I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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