I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
