So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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