after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
