im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
