Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
