Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
