I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
