Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were destined to go to rehab together
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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