My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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