I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
