God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
