Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
