when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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