I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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