There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
