now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
