dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
