He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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