Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
