Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
