Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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