So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
