She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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