Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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