Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
