you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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