I have demons in me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize