on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
