Umm I'm too high to move.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I came so hard my ears popped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
