Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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