can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
