and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
