I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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