I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
