Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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