I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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