woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
