I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
