I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
