Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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