so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
