hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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