They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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