Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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