Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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