Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
