dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
