I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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