I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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