I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i've created a new STD.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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