THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
