i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
