This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
