he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
