dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
