Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im just a social blackout drinker.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
