also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
