i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
