Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
