Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
