Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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