There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
