you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
