Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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