My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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