whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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