Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
