I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
