how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
