Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
