It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
