i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
